Now that I'm older, it's easier to see some of the inequities in decisions I made earlier in my life. Social media probably calls these things out more openly now than it used to. We always had joint bank accounts, but I earned significantly more. In my mind I rationalised it: I made more money and had the more professional job, so I should be the one driving the more expensive car. Looking back, I think I had it backwards. The person driving the kids around was the one who needed the comfortable car. That's an easier call to see clearly now than it was then. What I notice now is a newer version To View More >>

People sometimes talk about bank accounts as though they are a relationship test. Joint means committed. Separate means guarded. A mixture means somebody has not quite made up their mind. Real life is less tidy. Two people can put every dollar into one account and still avoid deciding what their money is for. Two other people can keep most of their income separate, pay shared costs clearly and build the same future on purpose. The account structure matters. It just cannot do the relationship's work for you. Good Shepherd NZ's Healthy Financial Relationships Toolkit makes a useful point: some couples To View More >>

The person who builds the budget often gets more than an administration job. They decide which numbers appear, how uncertain costs are estimated, what counts as essential and when the answer is “we can’t afford that.” Even with good intentions, the spreadsheet can give one person more authority. The other person may have less voice. They may also be able to avoid part of the responsibility: “You handle the money; just tell me what I can spend.” Neither role is especially fair. Both can become exhausting. A budget contains judgement, not only arithmetic Two people can To View More >>

Sometimes the biggest money arguments begin before anyone spends a dollar. The same money quietly gets given two different jobs. One person looks at the bank account and thinks, “Good, we can finally start putting something aside for that holiday.” The other person looks at the very same balance and thinks, “Good, we can finally replace the tyres.” No one is being reckless. No one is hiding anything. But the same $120 a week has quietly become two different futures. That’s how money tension starts in a lot of homes. Not with a dramatic argument. Not with a terrible To View More >>

“Does it pay for me to work?” sounds like a calculation. It is also a question about time, care, reliability, identity, future options and how much strain a household can absorb. Wages minus childcare is an important number. It is not the whole decision. Start with money that actually reaches the household For each work option, record expected take-home pay rather than the headline salary. Then add the costs created or changed by work: childcare and school-holiday care; transport, parking or vehicle use; clothing, food and professional costs; reduced benefits, tax credits or other support, To View More >>

This article discusses domestic violence and relationships ending. Money is often tangled up in both — and sometimes that tension is what makes a home unsafe. If that's close to home right now, take care as you read, and step away if you need to. Let me start by saying I'm so sorry, that's tough and I hope you have support. I'd always hope that every avenue of resolution had been exhausted and that people had given it their best, but sometimes things just run their course whether it's been a short time or a long time. Ideally in that situation I'd also hope the dissolution To View More >>